I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
me + whiskey = a bad person
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
