drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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