i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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