Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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