I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
