I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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