She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
only you would photoshop your dick
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
