so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
