I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
