How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
