My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
