So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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