Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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