High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
