Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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