Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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