i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Pooping to opera.
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