she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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