dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
