i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
