Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
