he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
