just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
