hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
