apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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