so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
