i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
