Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
