My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
