You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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