i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
