After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's blow job season.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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