I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
