remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
