I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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