Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
