If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
