I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
