Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
