The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
