the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
