No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
