He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
