so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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