I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
