That's intense
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
