Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
