YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
