Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
