yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
