haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
